On Situationship and hookups

Situationship & Hookups: Why They Often Hurt Women More Than MeN

In a world that celebrates “casual freedom,” many women are waking up to the emotional cost of situationships and hookups. Beneath the filtered glow of “liberated dating,” a quieter truth echoes: these arrangements tend to serve men far more than women.

The Hidden Imbalance

On paper, a situationship or hookup seems like mutual fun — no strings, no drama. But reality paints a different picture. In these dynamics, men often receive sex, emotional support, and companionship — all without needing to commit or invest deeply. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to walk away confused, emotionally drained, and undervalued.

Why? Biology gives us a clue.

The Brain Chemistry of Bonding

According to research in neuropsychology (sources: Psychology Today, Harvard Health Publishing), oxytocin — the hormone tied to bonding — is released in higher levels in women during sex and emotional intimacy. This hormone increases feelings of trust and attachment.

Men also release oxytocin, but not as strongly. Instead, they get a dopamine hit (the “reward” chemical) which spikes quickly and drops off shortly after orgasm — making emotional detachment easier. That’s why he can sleep with you and leave, while you’re left replaying the night, wondering if it meant anything.

“So while he enjoys all the benefits, you’re left suppressing your feelings, shrinking your needs, and calling it ‘liberation.’

The Myth of Empowered Casualness

Let’s be real: many women agree to these setups not because they want less, but because they’re afraid asking for more will scare him off. They tolerate confusion over clarity, mixed signals over stability, and end up gaslighting themselves — believing they’re empowered when in fact, they’re settling.

And society reinforces this. We call women “clingy” for catching feelings and “chill” for pretending not to care. But what’s truly liberating is knowing your worth, walking away from crumbs, and waiting for someone who brings a full meal.

Your Love Is Not Free

You’re not “too emotional.” You’re not “too much.” You’re not hard to love.

He’s just getting too much for free.

A man who truly values you will offer clarity, consistency, and commitment. Anything less is a distraction.

Final Thought

Modern patriarchy didn’t disappear — it just put on new clothes and called itself “low-key.” As women, we must remember: you don’t have to dim your needs to be chosen.

You just have to choose yourself first.

Trusted Sources:

1. Psychology Today – “Why Oxytocin Affects Women Differently Than Men”
2. Harvard Health Publishing – “The Brain on Sex: How Neuroscience Explains Attachment”
3. Esther Perel, psychotherapist and relationship expert – on the emotional cost of casual sex
4. Lori Gottlieb – “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” (on modern dating detachment)